Christmas Confessions...

So, when I talked about our Christmas traditions, I got to thinking about some things that are expected at Christmas but that I (gasp!) really don't care for. My feelings towards what's on this list range from "not my fave" to "this needs to die immediately." =)

Also, thanks for your input on Facebook/Twitter. Solidarity, people!

Just a little bit skeptical...

-I don't know how or why, but every Christmas we've been married, we've ended up with (literally) bags full of Christmas candy, cookies, and other "homemade" treats that never get eaten. I know the intention is good, but there are so MANY of them that the sheer number is overwhelming and I end up ignoring it all until January (and my annual diet) lead me to throw it all away. I appreciate the thought, but most of the time (with Candy Cane Hershey's Kisses being the exception this year) it just ends up going to waste. So, I don't hate the tradition- just my inability to plow through several cavities' worth of sweets.
On the scale: fairly low (since it's my own fault)

-How the Grinch Stole Christmas by Dr. Seuss is one of my favorite movies... the cartoon version, that is. But the Jim Carrey Grinch, while loved by many people, is something that falls closer to the "utter hatred" end of the spectrum. Every few years I revisit this and try to like it, but I just really don't. (Same thing with the Jim Carrey A Christmas Carol.... what is it with Jim Carrey ruining Christmas classics for me? Oh, well.)
On the scale: Hate with a little self-doubt (since I know so many people love it. I just... don't.)

-Elf on the Shelf. Enough said. Mr. Elf and his hiding spots can stay away from my house, thank you very much. And wipe that smirk off your face, you little creep.
On the scale: Pretty much hate. No redeeming qualities, no, "Well, if it had..." No. (Sorry, Jen!)

-Honestly... and this may come as a shock, but I really don't like the vast majority of Christmas movies. Of course there are some that are untouchable (like these ten) but nearly every ABC Family, Hallmark, and and other "made-for-TV" holiday movie is... wait for it... exactly the same. I know most aspects of Christmas entertainment are super cheesy, but I can only watch so many variations of the same plot (grumpy person won over by a show of holiday cheer, town brought together to somehow "save Christmas," family saved by Santa, troubled youths becoming nice when forced into a Christmas program, waking up at the North Pole, or the sacrilege of trying to steal the what-if-I'd-never-been-born plot of "It's a Wonderful Life." Take a couple of these plot lines and combine them and you've got nearly every Christmas movie on Netflix (where you'll also find a psycho version of Rudolph that introduces the concept of divorce between Dasher and his deer-wife. Really?)
On the scale: hmmmm... depends on the movie, but I guess from "no thanks" to "turn that garbage off; it's a disgrace to the birth of our Savior."

-This one has probably intensified since I became a teacher, but the little "extra" words in Rudolph (like a flashlight! like Columbus!) have really started to get on my nerves. I know it's supposed to be cute but I don't think it is.
-on the scale: like, annoying!

-Thanks to a Christmas dinner mishap years ago that involved a macaroni and cheese dish gone terribly wrong (think grabbing the wrong carton of what looks like milk), I haven't been able to stomach eggnog ever since. Even the smell makes me gag, and this is unfortunate because my husband loves it. As for me, I say humbug to any eggnog flavored anything.
On the scale: pretty high, because it's pretty gross.

-Every flavor of candy cane besides peppermint is unacceptable. Cherry? Chocolate? Fruit punch? Nope. Peppermint only.
On the scale: I mean, no one makes me eat other flavors, so I guess about mid-level annoyance. It's just the principle of the thing.

-It really bugs me when commercials change the words to Christmas songs in order to peddle their wares... mostly because the words usually don't rhyme and it requires cramming lots syllables where they don't belong.
-On the scale: immediate changing of the channel/mute.

-I know this makes me a terrible person, and I'm not against them, but the Salvation Army Santas always make me uncomfortable. It's like... yes, I just walked out of Belk with seven bags, but no I do not have any change for your needy children. A dichotomy, I know.(I've never actually left Belk with seven bags, so that's just hyperbole for effect.) And I toss change in when I have it (which is rare, since I never carry cash.) But mostly these guys make me feel like a heel for using a debit card and have me ready to pack for a guilt trip. (This also applies to those stores who ask "Do you want to round up your total for _____________ (insert cause)?" My answer is almost always no unless I know it's a good organization like St. Jude's. But an extra 34 cents to find someone's lost dog? Nope. Scrooging it up right here. And I guess certain people have ruined the whole "I give through my church" answer since that isn't exactly met with an understanding, "Oh, great, no problem.")
On the scale: directly related to the reproachful look that the Santa Claus gives me.

-Last but not least (and I'm about to break my dad's heart), the song "The Christmas Shoes" is just absolutely dreadful. Since Jon Acuff is far funnier than I am, read his perfectly poetic thoughts on surviving it throughout the holiday season.
On the scale: to quote my sister, it makes me want to put a kitten in a blender.

So, does this list make me a total Scrooge or what? (Hopefully not, judging from some of your comments.) But if you disagree... well, bah humbug.


1 comment

  1. Hahahaha!!!! Ok, I said the same thing to Noel the other night about the "extra" words in Rudolph. Ughhh...hate those!


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