This Is My Real Life

I've done it. I've become one of those bloggers that make me roll my eyes and think, "Ugh, get it together and throw up a new post, already!" (I sound like a real sweetheart, eh?) But it's true... the past few months I've steadily spiraled further into that yucky place that makes every single thing I try to post sound stupid, and lately I just haven't tried at all. A few kind friends have asked with some concern if I'm okay or if I'm done blogging (or if I'm losing it, which is not too far-fetched), but the truth is that my sister put it best... I feel like my life has stopped. 

After four years of a very fast-paced schedule that revolved around full-time involvement at church and school, I feel like I'm in some kind of Twilight Zone. Of course we're still involved at church, but between a major shift in responsibility and not teaching, I've been feeling bereft of the comfort and sameness of that schedule, however stress-inducing it was at the time. And since now my days are mostly spent wandering around in a Netflix-induced stupor (I'm kidding! Kind of) and hoping someone will get sick so I can sub (again, I kid), it's hard to feel like even a shadow of my former self. That sounds ridiculous, but it's true. I know that my identity shouldn't be wrapped up in something like that but apparently it was. I just haven't felt like myself at all lately, and as a result posting anything here has not been that appealing. 

BUT then a week or two ago, my friend Molly wrote a post about how we're tempted to only show the pretty, organized, appealing parts of our lives online and about the temptation to prove we have it all together when, letsbehonest, is not how it is around these parts. She challenged her readers in the post to be transparent and has been using the hashtag "This Is My Real Life" for posts that give a peek into the less-than-perfect moments of everyday "situations," if you will. Now, I'm not one for airing dirty laundry online (don't we all love THAT Facebook friend?) but it's pretty convicting that I've been allowing my own emotional lame-ness to keep me from doing something that I really do love, which is this silly little blog. (Also, I know this is all vaguely reminiscent of the excuses given every other time I've taken a "blogging break," but since it's been a little more pronounced this time I thought an explanation was necessary. Make sense?)

SO, let me catch you up on the last few weeks. (If you've been following on Instagram you've seen most of this, but indulge me.) 

Since the end of September, I've been able to see a bunch of my former students, traveled through 14 states (thanks to two killer road trips!), spent time with quite a bit of family, hung out with my high school bff, visited my favorite restaurant (SATCO!), kicked off our missions deputation with four great services, met my sweet new niece, tracked down a Jamba Juice (thank you, Baltimore airport), and made it to the state fair for the first time ever. It's actually been a really crazy three weeks but full of fun (and food, it seems) and I'm glad to be back in my little room at Mamaw's (ha!). 

I'm not promising to be posting five days a week (which, actually, I've never done) but I'm accepting that for now, this is my real life, and I need to get back to sharing it instead of depriving you all of the joy that is my favorite holiday Christmas movies and outfit posts. (Snorts in derision.) After all, soon I'll be living in a new city hundreds of miles away and possibly wishing for the incredibly slow pace of my life right now, so it's best to be thankful and enjoy this season of life. And if that means word-vomiting about my emotional insecurities or whatever delightful topic that comes to mind, so be it.

In summary.... I'm baaaaaaack. And it feels good. (I'm still welcome, right? If not, don't tell me. I'm a little fragile. =)

Your reaction to my return, I'm sure.

Ash