This is a terrible "bump" picture but there we were outside the hospital and people were coming down the sidewalk so I panicked and didn't want to turn and pose for another one. (#sociallyawkward) I'm actually showing even more than that now and it was just a week ago!
I have read in a few different places where women said things about how strong and empowered and amazing they felt while pregnant and I'm like... hmm. What drug is that you're on? I am not feeling sick anymore but I wouldn't in a million years describe myself as feeling empowered... if anyone should feel empowered by pregnancy it's toilet paper companies who are thrilled to capitalize on the fact that I literally have to go to the bathroom 37 times a day. (If only I were exaggerating. Also, TMI? Probably.) I am thankful, however, to feel good most of the time. I get tired easily but that probably has as much to do with my unemployed, sedentary lifestyle for the past year. Oh, and insomnia, which is horrible and, coupled with the whole bathroom-every-five-minutes thing, is wrecking any chances I get at a full night's sleep.
My mom tells me that this is nature's way of preparing me to get up multiple times a night with a newborn, but I think it's a little cruel to be robbed of the last few months of uninterrupted sleep I'll get until I'm pushing 50. But, anything for you, little Baby. (Remember this when I'm elderly and in need of full-time care, please.)
As you know, we did find out that it's a GIRL which immediately took me from slightly dazed, oh-yeah-I'm-having-a-baby mode to HOLY COW THIS IS A GIRL AND NOT AN IT AND WHAT WILL WE NAME HER? (Pretty much the entire reason I was #teamboy was that I had the PERFECT boy name picked out and no girl names nailed down at all.) I'm not really sure what the standard procedure is for a gender ultrasound since so many people choose to keep it a secret until it can be revealed with paint or balloons or candy or custom cars but our ultrasound tech just waved the thing around for a while until matter-of-factly (and with no warning) blurting out, "Oh, it's a baby girl," with little to no enthusiasm. (Apparently she's lost the wonder of her job over the years or perhaps has just grown hardened in the face of weepy parents.)
Once we (I) recovered from that shock it became clear that shopping for a girl was going to be SO fun and require every bit of self-restraint that I possess (so in other words, not much.) I have done really well and only bought a few little things in the past couple weeks which is really a miracle because baby clothes are like kryptonite. (And as much as Jonathan protests all this shopping, I have caught him red-handed with fistfuls of baby clothes so... we have a daddy's girl in the making already.)
GUILTY
Oh, and have we decided on a name? No. Has it been keeping me awake at night and during my multiple daily nap times? Yes! It's driving me insane... I started off with specific initials in mind because I knew if I didn't set some boundaries I would never, ever make a decision. (Although, just for fun, I've spent a lot of time perusing Janssen's name posts over at Disney Baby.) I do have it narrowed down to three (realistically, two) names and one of them is definitely Disney-inspired, naturally. But other than that... I got nothin' and I really, really want to make a decision that I won't have to change or regret or make my child resent me forever. (No pressure.)
I truly don't let myself go down the rabbit hole that is the internet when it comes to almost anything baby-related because 1) so much is inaccurate, including those nonsensical fruit-vegetable comparisons (which I check weekly anyway because I'm a sucker) and 2) there are a million and one horror stories that I just don't need to read. So I've kept myself mostly worry-free by ignoring a lot of misinformation and trying to trust that the Lord is in control of what happens over the next few months but I do feel like the minute we found out the baby was a girl and everything became "real" all over again that my Zen-like approach took a backseat as I quickly spiraled into the Crazy Town of paranoia that I hadn't experienced since the first few weeks of pregnancy.
I was especially nervous about our 20-week appointment and ultrasound that would check for any abnormalities, problems, etc. It bugs me when people say, "There's nothing worry about!" when clearly there is... but thank God everything really was fine and I semi-relaxed after that good report. I am beyond thankful that we have a healthy baby and I've had an extremely easy pregnancy compared to a lot of women. I know we're still a good ways out but I'm choosing (trying) to trust and not focus on what could go wrong, which is enough to make anyone crazy.
SO... it's a girl, I haven't bought too many baby clothes (cross my heart!) and I'm still agonizing over a name, but I'm feeling okay and still kind of in disbelief that I'm pregnant as well as being very grateful for things going smoothly.
I know you're supposed to do this every week but like I said, I'm a major slacker and I haven't but I thought I'd do one of those pregnancy question thingies just for fun. (I know... I should let other people tell me it's fun. It's probably not.) I'll try to faithfully keep track in the weeks ahead. (I got these questions from Molly's blog but I'm not sure of their original source. Probably a chain email from 1998.)
How far along: 21 weeks
How big is baby: last week the doctor said 14 ounces but I'm not sure how long... maybe seven inches?
Weight gain: not much... only a couple pounds up from right before I got pregnant (I lost weight in the beginning thanks to puking and hating all food.)
Sleeping: Bleh. Taking forever to fall asleep and then waking up all.the.time. to go to the bathroom. Of course daytime sleep is an A+ but that cuts into my night sleep and the vicious cycle begins again.
Food cravings: Goldfish crackers all day every day because I'm a toddler, apparently. Also cucumbers with apple cider vinegar (which sounds heinous but it's really good) and grape tomatoes.
Food aversions: Most fast food (probably a blessing) including, sadly, orange chicken from Panda Express. EWWW.
Symptoms: Fatigue... any outing longer than a couple hours really wipes me out. And my stomach is expanding all over and not just in the front.
Miss Anything?: Regular sleep and all my dresses that aren't empire-waisted.
Doctor’s appointment: My next one is in a couple weeks and will be a very brief checkup before I go HOME to Georgia for a visit! Yay!
Clothes: I can still wear a lot of my regular clothes since I usually go for looser styles, but switching to maternity jeans a few weeks ago has changed my life. I did buy a belly band but I'm not wild about it so I'm mostly sticking with my trusty, stretchy Old Navy pencil skirts. Finding a good pair of maternity shorts is my mission at the moment.
Movement: lots! I actually just started feeling her bump around in there last Sunday night so it's still very new and exciting. I'm looking forward to having the little kicks and punches be strong enough for Jonathan to feel.
Best moment of the week: Feeling the baby move around and respond to noise/music, etc. and seeing her yawn on the ultrasound which was adorable.
What I’m looking forward to: Ugh... choosing a name! And Jonathan feeling the baby kick.
What I did / Got for baby: I'm finalizing my choices for a Disney lullaby playlist (priorities!) and we've been scoping out baby furniture.
Prayer requests: Just safety and health for the baby and me (and sanity for Jonathan =) especially as the Texas heat settles in with a fury and it gets quite uncomfortable to be outside for any length of time. (Thank goodness our apartment has a pool or I might never survive this summer.)
I can't believe this pregnancy is over halfway over. I feel like the first trimester really dragged but the second one is flying (doesn't everyone say that?) but as my girth increases and the temperatures outside rise (yay) I'm sure I'll be singing a different tune before too long. Too bad my number one task in the heat is to stay hydrated which plays right into my problem of spending 75% of my time in or finding a bathroom but hey, fun times, right?
Happy Thursday to you from me and (Unnamed) Baby. =)
Ash
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