Worry Warthog...

In case you didn't grow up on Patch the Pirate (and I pity you if that's the case), I should let you know that my title is a throwback to an old classic Patch song, "Worry Warthog". I'd start singing it, but Jonathan really doesn't like me to do that. (Apparently he was a little afraid of the whole snorting tune as a child. But that's a long story best suited for a therapy session.)

Anyone who knows me is probably aware that I'm not a big fan of change. (Except for new clothes, obviously.) But other than that, I'm a pretty dull and boring consistent person. I have ordered the same thing at restaurants since I was a child... pasta fagioli soup at Olive Garden, McChicken at McDonald's, a Grilled Stuffed Burrito with no beans at Taco Bell, etc. (I know you're super eager to be made aware of my eating habits.) I want my drinks in a foam cup (seriously, paper cups make the drink melt in like 2.4 seconds). I've used the same duffel bag since high school. I still have my Georgia phone number and have no plans to switch it for a new one. I'd still have my first email address if it weren't for the fact that I feel extremely foolish on the phone or at a store repeating myself, "Yes, that's littleangel421@aol.com" or whatever it was. (Don't mock me- you know you had a lame-o email address too.) 

Anyway, my point is not that I have an unreasonable attachment to having things a certain way. (Sorry it you thought that was my point.) It's not even that I am ridiculously sentimental (and I am). I'm trying to say that as our move approaches, the more it's kind of slapping me in the face that everything in my life is about to change. And while we're not headed to another country (or even another state... I know, I'm a baby!), I still feel like everything's about to be turned upside down. So, though I usually try not to spill my guts to all you lovely people, let me transparent here for a minute. (And yes, it's probably true that someone's thinking, "Gee, Ash, if what you usually say is "holding back" I hate to see the real you." Just bear with me.) Even though it's only an hour away, and the people and church are wonderful, and my best friends are moving too, and we've got a great new apartment, and New Bern is a beautiful town.... let me tell you a little secret.

I'm terrified.

I know... I'm crazy. I really am excited about this opportunity. God has made it abundantly clear that this is what we are supposed to do right now. But just the thought of being in a new place with new people and an entirely new set of responsibilities makes me anxious. I feel like Woody on Toy Story when he turns around and he's standing on a Buzz Lightyear blanket! 

I'm a worrier by nature. I have lain in bed every night this week thinking about the move and what could possibly go wrong. I've thought about telling dear friends goodbye after two years of serving together. I've thought about the fact that I'm about to go and influence TEENAGERS (yes, those fearsome creatures). I thought about the fact that I will soon be an assistant pastor's wife, which is a pretty hefty responsibility. I've thought about living an hour closer to the beach (I have a major fear of hurricanes). I've thought about this Sunday being my last in our choir, one of the most special things in the world to me. I've thought about meeting new people and "starting over" a new set of relationships. (And believe it or not, I'm a little shy. Okay, don't believe it.)

Anyway, I am giving myself a pep talk (to which you've apparently been invited) and this is my mantra.

I wish it were this easy. But you know, maybe it is. I also ran across this little nugget of wisdom.

Who says Pinterest is only good for wasting time recipes and craft ideas? This one really got me. I'm not making anything better or solving anything by worrying. Truthfully, there aren't any problems to be solved. I'm just adding fuel to the fire when it comes to my own fears and insecurities. And, as it turns out, that's kind of a sin. Matthew 6 clearly talks about the fact that worry can't add a "cubit to thy stature" before it goes on to rebuke "oh ye of little faith." 

So, I apologize for this rambling post. I seem to have talked myself in a circle here, but I think we've all been there. Don't we all worry? Please tell me you worry about ridiculous things... or I might get worried that I'm the only one who does. =) Seriously, though, while it's hard to to say goodbye to so many wonderful people, I really am excited about moving. And if you see me in the next few days, I may or may not be singing this song loudly to reassure myself. 

I've convinced myself that it's rich with biblical truth. 

Have a worry-free week, my friends. I know that's my goal. 


1 comment

  1. Ashley, I love reading your blogs. I love your honesty and real life comparisons. I know you, Jonathan, Blake & Brook will do great in New Bern and I am so thankful that you will all have each other. I totally understand your fear of change, believe me I don't do it well either. But your love and faith will keep you strong. Go get 'um and have a great week. Those teenagers are lucky to be getting a teacher like you. Hugs.


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