Into the Unknooooowwwn

If you haven't seen Frozen II, the title of this won't be as meaningful to you, but if you have, I'm sorry that it's now stuck in your head. Although, to fully appreciate it, just imagine Alice bellowing that one phrase over and over into her karaoke microphone (thanks, Gigi). It's truly the gift that keeps on giving and at this point I think we should all agree to just let Idina Menzel sing the song and no one else. (Even she is pushing it a bit. #soloud)

Anyway, as you can imagine from my cozy little perch here at 35 weeks pregnant (haha), I am not only ungainly and large but also not feeling super chill about the many unknowns (and knowns! ah!) coming at me at lightning speed. Being pregnant for the first time means everything is unfamiliar and terrifying; being pregnant the second time means everything is familiar and terrifying. Right? I mean, this time I know what to expect in a lot of ways and it's still scary. Don't get me wrong; I've been organizing baby clothes, doing a little (okay, maybe more than a little- SUE ME) shopping for matching outfits, and nesting in general, and I am SO excited to have another baby in the house. Alice is going to be the best big sister and I'm already a big fat mess of emotions over all the sweet moments to come. But, as you may know, there's more to it than cute onesies and matching sister shirts.

As an enneagram 6, I default to imagining worst-case scenarios, but I'm really not even doing that. (I've only allowed myself a couple of full-on negative mental spirals that ended in tears during this pregnancy. Bleh. Zero stars. Do not recommend.) So, as I've told Jonathan repeatedly over the past month, even BEST-case scenario, things are just going to be hard. Even the best labor and delivery is super hard on your body, even the best newborn can keep you up all night, etc. (Even the best Alice can begin weeping when her episode of Mickey Mouse Club House ends or she is forced to use the bathroom. You know, hypothetically speaking.) So the knowns are scary (pain, sleep deprivation, etc.) and the unknowns are even scarier (when and for how long I'll be in labor, how Alice will handle things, how Amy Jane will eat/sleep/breathe, etc.). You know, simple stuff. Nothing that would keep you up at night.


I'm a lucky mama. Truly.


As always, it helps to keep things in perspective and recognize that other people are dealing with much harder things. We've experienced loss just this week in our own church family, and I know others who are walking through financial stress, chronic illness, and more. I've also read quite a few books about pretty heavy topics recently (kind of dark choices given my current situation, but also good reality checks that my life is super uncomplicated in most ways). So even though giving birth and adding a second child to our family is a legitimately big deal and will mean a huge transition for us, it is still, at the end of the day, something that is commonplace and that tons of families make it through on a regular basis. Ultimately, we will be just fine.

And, at the end of the day, I have to trust that God knows what He's doing, sees us, and will take care of it all. I read somewhere not long ago that it's essential for Christians to get to the point that we consider God's will to be the best thing that could happen to us. I think for a variety of reasons we tend to view it as something that is "harder but better." I think a lot of preaching we've heard over the years has framed God's will as the holy but unappealing alternative to whatever dreams or plans you'd really rather pursue. But if "the steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord" and He truly wants to give us the "desires of our heart," then His plans for me must be better than anything I could imagine. Of course they may include hard things I don't fully understand, but trusting Him with my future still seems like the best option (He is God, after all, and I am decidedly/blessedly not).

Lately, I've been attempting to follow Emily P. Freeman's morning rhythm of "PRWRP." That stands for:
Pray (a "borrowed" or scripted prayer)
Read (Scripture)
Write (Journal... the hardest one for me, ironically!)
Read (spiritual nonfiction)
Pray (regular requests)

I certainly don't get to do all the steps every day (somehow Alice isn't as committed to my quiet time as she is to making sure I dish out her 17 breakfast courses each morning) but I have been trying, which is better than nothing. For the "borrowed prayer" portion, I've been using Emily's own prayers written in each chapter of her wonderful book, The Next Right Thing. This morning (right before my doctor's appointment and in the midst of some serious pregnancy anxiety) I read these words:

"Unbound by time or place or gravity, you go ahead of us into an unknown future. You walk toward us with love in your eyes. You stand beside us when we find ourselves in unsure places. You sit next to us in silence and in joy... We resist the urge to sprint ahead in a hurry or lag behind in fear. Let us keep company with you at a walking pace, moving forward together one step at a time." 

I love this so much. Unlike me, God is not bound by a limited knowledge of the future. His "thoughts and ways are higher" than mine (Isaiah 55:9) and I don't need to demand answers I'm not ready for or stay stuck in what's already happened. He is there to walk with me at the right pace, shining a light as I need it and in His timing, not mine. If I had known all that would take place for our family over the last four years of parenting, I probably would have fainted like a woman in a silent film! I don't need to know everything that is coming; I just need to know the One who does. (I think there's a song about that!)

As usual, this post is 100% talking/preaching to myself, so don't be surprised when I'm still struggling with the same worries a week or two from now (#type6). Tonight I'm just thankful for the reminder to walk with God, not ahead of or behind Him, and to trust His plans for me. Those plans may need to include a lot of naps, chocolate, and Disney+ over the next few weeks, but it will all be fine as long as Alice doesn't discover the special hiding place I created for her Frozen microphone.
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Books for a Better Year

"But Ashley," you might say, "we're a month into 2020 already!" Well, sure, but let's be honest... January is cold/flu season, everyone has a holiday hangover (emotionally, financially, etc.), and the weather is generally gross. It's basically a bonus month and I think we can all agree that surviving this month (which has been seemingly 27 weeks long) means that we get a do-over for all things "new year" related. Hence, I'm bringing you these recommendations on the *last* day of the month. We have 11 more whole months to make 2020 awesome! (Personally, my "new year" is gonna start around April due to the fact that I'll be giving birth here shortly. =) Also, I've read about a gazillion books in the last 5 years and I feel like I need to start putting all that to some sort of use and sharing them more regularly here!

So, here we go. Some of these are newer releases and some have been out for a while, but all of them have been read and loved by yours truly. Some are habit-related, others lend themselves to more a mindset shift/way of thinking, and others just have some good information that will benefit you and/or your family. All of them will help you see the world in a better way!

Anyway. My plan to blog more has gotten away from me (shocker) and this is a bit of a cop-out post since it doesn't require as much from me, but rest assured that a) I have several blog post ideas that I am truly excited about that I am going to try to get written soon and b) I do love these books and think they're worth your time!


"Having fun isn't hard with a library card!" Why yes, I was super popular as a kid. Can't you tell?


Atomic Habits by James Clear. I just finished this last night and I loved it. I've seen this book all over the place since it came out (with rave reviews from people I trust) and I totally get it. It's SO good, so practical, so easy to read and simple but not dumbed down... just a great book on habits that gives great ways of thinking about how and why we do the things we do. I'll be recommending this to anyone and everyone for the foreseeable future.

Better than Before by Gretchen Rubin. I love this book so much, and it may seem excessive to have two books about habits on the same list, but it is the beginning of the year (bonus month notwithstanding) and this is a great one. Gretchen Rubin is one of my all-time favorite authors and this book has SO much good and practical information in it. I love how she can make even something as seemingly dull as habits warm and personal and strangely appealing. She takes all kinds of personalities into account and gives ideas that can work for literally anyone. (Honestly, any of Gretchen's books would help start your year off right!)

 Competing Spectacles by Tony Reinke. I was actually on the launch team for this book and got an advance copy but I don't even know that I posted about it anywhere except Instagram (oops!). However, I'll make up for it now! This is such a great book. The subtitle is "Treasuring Christ in the Media Age" and I think we can all stand to be reminded just how important it is to have the right perspective on the endless stream of information (and misinformation), entertainment, and distraction at our fingertips. Reading this is a great way to help you reset yourself if one of your goals for the year is to limit/restructure your media consumption (just in time for the election, right?).

 The Road Back to You by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile. Okay, let me get on my enneagram soapbox for just a second. I know that it's been talked about to death and you're probably sick of hearing about it (especially if you have no idea what it's all about- I was the same way!) but this book is an excellent starting point if you're interested in learning more. I truly believe that the enneagram is an extremely valuable and useful tool to help us understand ourselves and those around us, be more compassionate and empathetic, and grow into the people God created us to be. Like anything, it can be abused or distorted, but this book provides a faith-based understanding of how it all works and is worth your time. (Steps off soapbox, shaking and red-faced.)

 168 Hours: You Have More Time than You Think by Laura Vanderkam. I love a good book on time management, and most of Laura Vanderkam's are along those lines, but this one is probably the most widely applicable (in my opinion). We all have 168 hours in our week, and what we do with those hours largely depends on identifying what we truly value and where we want our time, energy, money, etc. to go. There are some great strategies for reevaluating your schedule and making changes based on what's actually important to you as well as questioning/challenging the "way it's always been" with a fresh perspective.

Praying the Bible by Donald Whitney. I had to read this for a class last summer and it was a huge game-changer for me. I'm not proud of this, but prayer has always been my biggest struggle. It can feel awkward, forced, obligatory, empty... I'm just being honest here, guys. Prayer is hard, and I know I'm not alone in that. This book gives such amazing insights into using God's own words to talk to Him and I am continually grateful to have come across such a wonderful technique/process. If you're interested in strengthening this particular discipline in your life (and aren't we all?) I'd start here.

 The Next Right Thing by Emily P. Freeman. I just can't recommend this highly enough. I think I've raved about it to anyone who would listen since it came out last spring. Emily P. Freeman is so wise and wonderful. Her writing is beautiful and calming and yet cuts straight to the heart of so many struggles we face regarding decisions, our souls, and life in general. I truly believe anyone in any life stage can benefit from the principles in this book, which is a tall order considering that so many books focus only on moms, or couples, or twenty-somethings, or whatever. It's just great, period. Please do your soul a favor and get this as soon as possible (and if you do audiobooks, Emily's voice is incredibly soothing). Also, the topics in this book are often covered in her excellent podcast of the same name, so definitely check that out.

There you go! Happy reading and happy New Year! Thanks for the practice run, January. We can take it from here.

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Word of the Year

If you're like me, you have probably 1) chosen a word of the year in the past and 2) promptly forgotten about it by March at the latest. (Oops!) It's super easy to get caught up in the newness of January and make resolutions, set goals, and choose words that we think will define our experience for the next 12 months, only to return to business/life as usual fairly quickly. We are easily distracted creatures ("Squirrel!") and rather than beat myself up about it for (at least) the tenth year in a row, I'm just going to try again but with what I hope is a more productive mindset.

One thing about choosing a word, phrase, or motto for the year is that, just like with our other resolutions, we want to "go big." I find myself being aspirational instead of practical when I'm thinking about the future, but I'm changing that. Should I have ambitions and dreams and "shoot for the stars"? Meh, I guess so. But the fact is that I have a four-year-old, am pregnant with my second child, and in a stage of life that is about to become extremely demanding of my time and energy in a way that is going to require some very practical, useful, reasonable (aka achievable) goals from me. I need a word that is going to reflect where I am in life and help me frame in the right way, not a word that is something I hope to or could someday be. Aspirational/ideal versions of myself are off the table for now. (Clearly, at 31 weeks pregnant, I'm not the best version of me in any way. ha!)


My best self. Ha! It's incredibly freeing to start the new year without the pressure of dieting, though. Thanks, Amy Jane. =)

Kendra from The Lazy Genius (for sure one of my life gurus in so many areas) just did a podcast episode about planners that spoke to me in this area. She said we buy all the planners, organizational tools, cute bullet journal kits, etc. and expect them to fundamentally change us into people we may or may not actually be. I've struggled with this for YEARS: it seems like a grownup thing to use a planner, so I buy cute ones and hope for the best, but the truth is I'm just not that person. I'm organized, but as a stay-at-home mom with one child and relatively few appointments (I mean, I know what time Chick-fil-A breakfast ends, so what else do I need to remember??), I can keep track on my phone and avoid the guilt that another wasted planner brings. My friend Michelle just shared on Instagram that she finally acknowledged this about herself, didn't buy a paper planner this year, and felt so FREE. I get it! (Side note: I did, in fact, purchase a 2020 planner because it was on clearance and it was Rifle Paper Company, which I cannot resist. So PRETTY! But one of my favorite purchases ever from this past year is my undated planner from Rad and Happy because you can just fill it out whenever without wasting days/weeks/months and feeling like a bad person. Hooray!)

So, with all that in mind, my word of the year is VALUE. Gretchen Rubin, one of my favorite authors and podcasters, recommends choosing a word that has several forms or meanings to give it even more use/weight in your life. For me, value is about the noun (as in what I believe, hold dear, or treasure AND principles I live by), the verb (taking care of/appreciating what's mine) and the adjective (valuable- what something is worth).



This applies to pretty much all of the goals I've set for myself this year. Goals related to our health and wellness obviously reflect value for our bodies, minds, and souls. If I value my health and my family's health, I'll choose to plan ahead, choose healthy foods more often than not, and prioritize my exercise routine. Learning and sharing about books and reading is valuable to me, so I'll continue to make time to read (although, in the spirit of value, I'm aiming to read fewer but better books this year. I'll have to write a whole post about that sometime, because I have many thoughts. =) This will also affect how I look at my home and possessions. Is something valuable to me because I'm a sentimental packrat or am I just being lazy and not wanting to clear clutter? (Both?) The value of items I buy will also be considered: at the age of 30, I'm getting past the point where my feet can handle super cheaply made shoes or my face can handle the cheapest makeup. I'm not going crazy with designer brands, but upgrading some things in those areas will give me more value for my money.

Another application of the word is taking the time to understand and articulate my own values. Of course they align with Scripture, but what are they? What values does our family live by, and how will I teach them to my kids? Obviously Amy Jane's off the hook in this area for a few years, but Alice is definitely old enough for us to be teaching her clearly what we believe and what our family culture is (besides Bible stories, etc. which we already do). Korie Robertson's parenting book recommends choosing just one or two words or values that you really want to instill in your children and letting your discipline and instruction stem from those (hers are strong and kind, which I love). It's easy with a baby or toddler to kind of gloss over this big-picture stuff since the truth is you're just trying to, I don't know, get the kid to put on a pull-up or eat their orange slices without a battle (how oddly specific, Ashley!), but we're getting to the age where I want to have these things cemented in my mind so I can share them confidently with her.

There are so many things I do value- relationships, deep conversations, reading, writing, my home, etc. - and so many things that I spend time or money or attention on that either don't add value to that list or that have little to no value at all (Twitter scrolling, I'm looking at you). So going forward, I want to ask myself:

"Do I value what I'm about to spend time on, or at the very least, is it valuable to the things I do value?" (What a great and gripping sentence. ha! For example, though, I don't really "value" cooking in that I don't enjoy it much, but I value taking care of my family and feeding them. Or letting Chick-fil-A feed them.)

"What are my core values (beliefs) and how does this book/podcast/article align with them and Scripture?"

"How am I using my time wisely on valuable things?"

"Am I conscious of my values and intentionally sharing them with Alice in the context of our family culture?"

"Is it valuable (or worthy of) my time to get caught up in some internet controversy?" (99% of the time, NO it is not.)

"Do I need another shirt/pair of shoes/set of scrunchies? What is the value of this purchase?" (Don't hate on the scrunchies. Best comeback of the 90s BY FAR.)

"Am I finding my value/worth in Christ and showing His love to others?"

You get it. It's all about priorities, worth, principles, and asking simple questions that apply to so many areas of my life. As I head into a season of LOTS of transition in our family, I feel like this is a really concise way to look at the decisions we make over the next few months. Having a newborn kind of reduces your existence down to feeding and sleeping, so having a baseline of this "value" question will help alleviate some of the stress that is bound to accompany anything extra in our lives. And, since my actual #1 resolution is to nap all I can in the coming months, putting a high value on sleep is going to be the easiest "yes" of all time. =) Scratch everything I just said. Is it too late for my word to be sleep? (And those of you with babies laughed and laughed and then twitched a little. I know. I'll just nap while I can. To quote Grandpa Joe in Willy Wonka, "Let him sleep. Let him have one more dream.")

Do you have a word of the year? How are you going to keep it in mind? DO TELL.
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Preparing My Heart for the Holidays

For the past month or so, we've been in limbo regarding our plans for the holidays. One of the perks (aka downsides) of living far away from both sides of your family is that seeing each other requires some form of travel: either flying (our usual choice) or driving (kind of a nightmare any time but particularly this year as I'm great with child). So after a lot of deliberation, we decided to stay home for both Thanksgiving and Christmas, making this the first year we'll be away from family for the entire holiday season.

I'm at peace with it because it really does make the most sense for us this year, but of course it's still a little sad. (Any family members who want to make a last minute decision to come see us, consider yourselves invited!) However, I want to make things special and memorable, not just "okay under the circumstances." It's our last holiday season as a family of three (holy life changes, Batman!) so I want to savor these days with just Alice and make things fun for her. Plus, it's pointless to dwell on things I can't change so I might as well make the most of the chance to have a relatively quiet, peaceful break (there is a four-year-old involved, after all).


Who could have a less-than-jolly holiday with this face? (I am aware of the size of her hair bow. We are southern people at heart.)

During this Thanksgiving week in particular, I'm trying to focus on being thankful (much like florals for spring, this is a groundbreaking concept) and not getting hung up on negatives. I'm not a master chef under the best circumstances, but pregnancy fatigue and general inexperience in the holiday food department has made me a little anxious about cooking our Thanksgiving meal. (Why does everything taste better when my mom makes it? Literally everything.) On top of that, Jonathan's UC diagnosis this fall means that our entire meal has to be dairy free: mashed potatoes, dressing, green bean casserole... all of which contain milk products and are requiring me to find/create dairy-free alternatives. (FYI: most vegan/dairy free cheeses are super gross. Please pray for us in these trying times.)

I'm not thrilled about "messing with" our favorite dishes, but I'm reminding myself that I'm lucky to have access to the alternatives that we need, that Jonathan is doing much better, and that we have been blessed to even have a diagnosis for him and a path to his healing. And on a slightly deeper level, if the biggest thing I have to complain about at Thanksgiving is that I have to come up with a homemade cream of chicken soup for my dressing, well... that's not a bad life to have. I know so many people who are dealing with actual heartache and real difficulties and, in comparison, my slightly complicated meal plans don't really qualify. Perspective can be a wonderful thing.

SO, in the spirit of being thankful and positive (not necessarily my go-to demeanor, teehee), I've been reading and listening to a whole bunch of resources in the past few weeks to help adjust my mindset and prepare my spirit for this holiday season. I thought I'd share them here in case anyone else is in need of a little assistance with "catching the gratitude attitude" (a Patch the Pirate song reference. I am actually turning into my mother).

Podcasts:

The Emotionally Healthy Holidays Series by Pastor Cary Schmidt
-This is such a good jumpstart to dealing with the "soul work" of a healthy holiday season. I haven't even listened to the whole thing yet and it's already helped me! (Also check out the Emotional Health weekend sessions by Jonathan Hoover, also on EBC's podcast channel. So good for the holidays and any time!)

Ten Steps to Creating Your Own Traditions by The Lazy Genius. Kendra is my lifestyle guru. I absolutely love her advice because it's less "here are a zillion Pinterest ideas that will overwhelm you" and more "here's a gentle, mindful way to think about a topic." She has a ton of great holiday-themed podcast episodes, but this one was particularly relevant to me this year as we strike out on our own for the season. =)

Choose a Holiday Motto by Gretchen Rubin. Happier is one of the first podcasts I started listening to years ago and it has remained a favorite. Gretchen is so very practical and smart and I love the idea of a short but punchy reminder that I can repeat to myself in my moments of Scrooge-ness.

Books:

Loving My Actual Christmas by Alexandra Kuykendall. This is a short little book with lots of great reminders and practical tips on simplifying and prioritizing your holidays. Craziness is inevitable, but it doesn't have to be out of control.

 The Characters of Christmas  by Daniel Darling. This book highlights each person in the Christmas story--Mary, Joseph, the shepherds, etc.--and gives more cultural and historical insight into the entire backdrop of the nativity. It's a great read to kickstart Advent and a wonderful way to focus our attention on the reason for the season. It would make a great family devotional book, too!

Music:

Okay, seriously, I could name a million different songs/albums, so I'll try to keep it brief and present these without comment because I could gush about each of them. (Every item listed is the entire album.)

Prepare Him Room by Sovereign Grace Music
Unto Us by JJ Heller
Christmas Together by The Tenors
Simply Christmas by Leslie Odom, Jr.
Winter in the Air by David Archuleta
Christmas with Julie Andrews by Julie Andrews (duh)
Sweet Hymns of Joy by Amanda Montepeque (my sister... shameless plug)
It's Finally Christmas by Casting Crowns

Okay, everybody. Happy Thanksgiving and a happy holiday season! To quote favorite new (to me) Christmas song, "We wish you the merriest!" Have the best week and may you have a beautiful food-induced coma by Friday. =)



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Four

Today, my little nugget is four years old. Every mother says the same things: "How could this happen? Time has flown by! Where did my baby go?" etc. And those things are cliches for a reason, because they're all true. Time does fly and you simultaneously feel like those delirious baby days just happened but were also a lifetime ago. But so much has changed in the past year, even just the past few months, with Alice that her birthday feels even more significant to me this year.



She has taught me so much about so many things. Life, myself, expectations, dreams, changes. Her speech delay is something I would never have chosen for her (or myself) but I'm convinced that it was perfectly planned and timed by God to shake up our world, humble me, and make me a better mom. Would I have treasured and been delighted by every word that she says if she hadn't had a delay? Maybe, but not in the way I do now. Many people say things (well-meaningly but stupidly) like, "One day you'll wish you could get her to shut up!" and... no, no I will not. She jabbers constantly now and I am not sick of it and even when she's "using her words" to be defiant or to tell me she definitely didn't eat a crayon that has turned her teeth red, I want to hear it because we spent months and years desperately trying to know and understand what was going on in her curly little head and now (not fully, but so much better) we can. And it's amazing.

Don't get me wrong... she can be exhausting, like all kids her age. Last week she chose the charming setting of Magnolia Table in Waco to produce some epic meltdown behavior. She typically laughs and/or runs away when she's in trouble and she still weeps regularly when forced to go potty. She likes to chew up paper like a baby goat and routinely gets into my mascara and has a destructive streak that manifests itself in all kinds of ways that make me want to scream.



BUT. She is a genuine delight. Her little voice, all the more precious with each new word/phrase/sentence, is my absolute favorite sound in the world. She is a complete movie buff/enthusiast and would happily watch tv all day long if I let her. I'm convinced she's going to grow up to be the next Roger Ebert or something. She will not go to sleep for her nap without being read to (and she still naps, bless her). She is obsessed with pickles and goes through a whole jar on her own every couple of weeks. She is outgoing, bright, affectionate, hilarious, and loves her people with her whole heart. She wants to sing Do-Re-Mi every day in the car and wear rain boots every minute of the day and considers string cheese a food group. She's stubborn and opinionated, has an incredible memory, and her new favorite Disney character is Winnie the Pooh, whom she calls Pooh Pooh Bear (which I refuse to correct). She talks constantly about going to church, Daddy's school, the entire Ferguson family, going to Gigi's house or Nana's house, and making sure any activity happening is done by "our family."

Today we had the last official meeting for her speech therapy, and even though I'm thrilled and relieved that we are finally getting started at long last, I was also overwhelmed with gratitude over how well she's doing. I seriously can't believe the progress she's made in the last few months... it's crazy. If I had known on her second birthday (or third) that this is where we'd be at four, I would have probably curled up in the fetal position at the thought of so much more time and so many more struggles with this stuff. But, like I said, God knew. He knew what a self-sufficient, even smug mom I would have been, taking credit for things I didn't do. He knew how much stock I put into my own intelligence, my obsession with words, and the ugly, ugly pride I needed knocked out of me when my own daughter "fell short" of my expectations and couldn't communicate with me.

A few months ago I had to write about pride for a class and it was necessary to confront this topic (a painful thing, but one I'm grateful for). I wrote at the time:

"God didn't use this to punish me. He was (and is) using it to help me deal with my own selfishness and pride. He's humbling me and showing me that I can't rely on my own intellect or knowledge. I can only rely on Him.

I believe that God made Alice just the way she is. When He formed her, He knew exactly when and what she would have to say. He knew that her journey would be the beginning of one for her mama- one that brought me to a place where I couldn't take credit for anything. One that ignored my preferred timetable. And one that showed me that there are many, many ways to be smart and brave and funny and kind and they don't all require words."


Well, those words are showing up, but the truth remains. She was brave, smart, and funny (and more) before all the words and now it's even clearer that she is all those things. But it's that much sweeter to me to learn it this way, at this time. These four years have looked wildly different from how I would have pictured them, but I wouldn't change anything. I really wouldn't. The pain and frustration have been more formative (and transformative) for me than a smooth path that wouldn't have forced me to appreciate every little milestone. And even though that's a big part of our story, it's certainly not the whole story. She's healthy and happy and dances every day. She's great.

I love my crazy, silly, giggly, TALKATIVE (!!!) big girl and I'm ready to celebrate her today (maybe with pickles).




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Three Things

You know you've been out of the blogging game for a long, long time when you open a draft for a new post and then stare blankly at the screen for half an hour (not that I just did that, but it seems likely). Seriously though, you'd think after having this blog for seven years (!!!) that I'd have learned my lesson by now that taking extended breaks only makes it nearly impossible to start up again (a life lesson that can be applied to many things, I suppose- #running). But here we are. No school work, sleeping child, etc. And since my brain is clearly taking a hiatus for the foreseeable future during this pregnancy, I'm totally copping out but stealing this idea from Michelle, whose blog I adore and whose friendship I can credit solely to the internet.

Let's party like it's a 2008 Facebook note, shall we?


Obligatory unrelated photo to break up the text. We went looking for coats at Costco and even though Alice was clearly delighted with this one that she called a bear, it did not make the cut considering the impracticality of owning a fur coat (faux or otherwise) in our torrid climate.


Three things I recently lost my mind over:
1. This performance by Jeremy Jordan. I am not even that familiar with the songs from Waitress, but I know Sara Bareilles wrote them all and she is super talented. Jeremy Jordan is way up on my list of favorite Broadway performers and I think half the views on this video are from me. Just beautiful.
2. This book. I read it this summer but I basically haven't shut up about it since and I have talked the ears off anyone unfortunate enough to be around me lately. It's just an unbelievable story.
3. The cuteness of Jonathan and Alice's new ritual of "nail salon" every week or so. He paints her fingernails and toenails and it is the most precious thing I've ever seen. She is SO proud of them and he's the best daddy ever. (If you're wondering why I don't do it, it's because my hands shake too badly to paint anyone's nails. ha!)

Three things I neglected this week:
1. Vacuuming. I feel like even as I say this, I probably vacuum more than the average, non-crazy person, but for me, it's been a lot less. Let's just say my apathy during pregnancy is higher than normal.
2. My podcasts. I'm a weirdo and when I get "behind" in certain shows it stresses me out and I don't listen at all. I know that's dumb. But only a faithful few have stayed current in my feed.
3. The closet I've been meaning to clean for weeks. It's not that bad... it really just needs to be straightened up, but every day I open the door, look inside, and close the door. Oops. Pregnancy apathy strikes again.

Three things I've tried recently:
1. This is lame and a testament to my lack of a spirit of adventure in the kitchen, but I made the same salsa recipe I've been making for years and blended it with my immersion blender. It tastes the same but I like the texture SO much better.
2. Hand lettering. Last year the course from Rad and Happy (my fave!) was on sale and Jonathan got it for me for Mother's Day. Then I promptly ignored it for over a year because of school. I recently bought a couple of calligraphy pens and started my way through it. I'm definitely not an instant success (I blame being left-handed) but I'm enjoying it!
3. Cutting caffeine. Apparently a high heart rate during pregnancy is normal, but it's made me feel pretty rotten so cutting caffeine seemed logical. My heart rate is still high and I've had headaches, so back to caffeine I run with open arms.

Three things I hate doing:
1. Dusting. It just seems so pointless. I wish I could just ignore dust, and actually I do on our lighter furniture, but our bedroom furniture is black and the dust makes me crazy, so I make myself dust once a week or so. But I hate it.
2. Talking to strangers on the phone. I would happily let Jonathan call and schedule appointments or whatever from how until I die. Alas, it's a pretty prominent feature of adulting that I can't fully avoid.
3. Driving. This only gets worse the older I get. When I'm old and rich someday (ha!) you can be sure I'll make room in the budget for a driver. Traffic, angry people, crazy other drivers (trucks! so many trucks!)... my anxiety goes through the roof.

Three things I wear all the time:
1. A small gold necklace (I have several, mostly that have an A or M. My 2004 self would be pleased).
2. Sweatshirts. The number I own is totally excessive considering where we live and its short sweatshirt season, but alas. Although I get more wear than you'd think because of the frigid AC temperatures.
3. Dresses. I have waaaay too many but that's what I'm wearing probably 70% of the time.

Three things I never wear:
1. Well, thank goodness this season is coming to a close, but from about May to September I never, ever wear jeans. Tooooo hot.
2. Cold shoulders. *and maybe neither should anyone else...ducks and hides forever*
3. Heels. Actually, I've worn heels a few times recently but it's literally one super-comfortable pair. Other than that...basically never.

Three books I'm reading/waiting to read:
1. Malcolm Gladwell's new book Talking to Strangers
2. A Circle of Quiet by Madeleine L'Engle. I've read chunks of it but never the whole thing.
3. Another Newbery winner to check off my list.

Three things I have to do but don't feel like doing (only 3?):
1. Fold/put away the basket of laundry eyeing me rather rudely from across the room
2. Vacuum (see above)
3. Get a job (ha! That one's for real)

Three things I'm looking forward to:
1. Our trip to Connecticut next month (allll the fall things and fat babies! my two nephews, if that wasn't clear. I'm not planning on squishing random infants. But I will be eating my weight in Stew Leonard's cheese bagels and possibly throwing some leaves in the air with reckless abandon).
2. Alice's birthday (in a bittersweet way, of course). She'll be four in a few weeks and I genuinely am baffled by this. She's just a baby!
3. Speaking of babies... this is the best thing of all. NEXT WEEK we find out the gender of this little peanut! (YES, I'm pregnant. No, I didn't write a blog post to announce it. This poor kid is already just getting a footnote where his/her sister got a whole writeup. Sorry, my beloved second child.) Anyway, I'm dying to find out and start making plans (aka buying stuff, hehe) and we have just a few more days to wait!

If you made it this far, you deserve all the gold stars. I'll be back soon, I hope, if only to avoid leaving a lopsided online footprint for my two children.

Ash
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Happy 60th Birthday, Dad




I’ve wanted now for quite some time
To write a poem for today
But I’m a little out of practice
And unsure of what to say

No one has your gift for words
Your flawless meter, well-rhymed rows
But if you’ll humor me, I’ll try
(Though I prefer to stick to prose)

When each us of got married
You wrote a poem for the day
They were apparently designed 
To wash our makeup all away

So now it’s payback time, Dad
For the times you made us weep
I’ve heard you say that what you sow
Eventually you’ll reap

We’ll start at the beginning
Of the story even though
It starts waaaay back in ‘59
A long, long time ago

A “little” baby boy was born 
Chubby cheeks, green eyes, dark hair
He was so cute that to 
A little girl some might compare

But he was definitely all boy
Loved to laugh and to play ball
But life threw curves that sometimes
Made it hard to laugh at all

Those early years weren’t easy
Lots of hurt, and fear, and dread
Wondering what the nights would hold
How many tears were shed

But as only God can do,
He turned their lives around
In brokenness came healing
And beauty could be found

Another story might be simpler
It might have hurt far less
But this way showed a miracle
That the Lord made from a mess

It was that faith that formed him
As each year turned the page
His many talents were revealed
From the diamond to the stage

He could play trombone AND croon 
Play baseball like a star
No matter where he went in life
Others knew he would go far

But that still small voice that called him
To join up with “God’s team”
Was silenced for a while
By the chance to chase a dream

So off he went to find out
What his mom knew all along
That even when the dream seems right
Without God, it’s all wrong

Coach Polk knew too, and helped him see
That nothing else could top
The perfect will of God for him
(And it wasn’t at shortstop)

When he ended up in Nashville
It didn’t take him long to spot
The prettiest girl on campus
Who (thank goodness) let herself be caught 

It all fell into place then
And he didn’t seem to mind
Looking back there was no sadness
For the life he’d left behind

Those two kids just couldn’t know
All the ups and downs of life
The storms, the surgeries, the vet bills
But still more fun than strife

Okay, I’ll skip ahead now
From this sentimental start
 (Plus we’re still stuck in the 80s here
Not even close to the best part)

Fast forward a little with me
A couple of decades, if you would
Now they’ve got four daughters
(I told you it got good!)

He says he never would have traded 
His four girls for a boy
I’m just a little biased
But I think we brought him joy

He taught us to appreciate
The classics, Frank and Bing
Rogers, Hammerstein, Irving, Walt
Were the songs that we would sing

Because of him we’re all stuck 
With habits hard to break
Like stopping for a drink and snack
When there’s any trip to take

He tried to reign in all the jokes
During family prayer time
But all the laughs meant punishment
Somehow never fit the crime

But when we finally all shut up
Which, honestly, was brief
He read God’s word and prayed with us
To strengthen our belief

He was our pastor and our dad
And spoiled us all for life
Cause he set the best example
Of how to treat a wife

We just thought that all men helped
Clean house and sweep the floor
And oh, the most important thing
The coffee- brew and pour!

He was our hero but he never
Treated us like dainty girls
He would just as likely wrestle us
As compliment our curls 

Through sixty years now there have been
A lot of roles and names you’ve had
Preacher, Sweetheart, Marion (I kid!),
But my favorite is Dad.

Until eleven years ago when
That first baby came
From that day on your best role yet
When Papa you became

The only thing that’s better
Than seeing you be “dad” 
Is seeing you as Papa
Even when they make you mad

By mixing up your movies
Or getting out the glue
It’s hard to frown at faces
That all look just like you 

I must admit I’m rambling now
It’s hard to find an end
To a tribute to our favorite dad,
A husband, Papa, friend

A faithful preacher all these years
Who’s freely shared God’s word
In many cities, many states
From you so many heard

Of the love that saved your family
And gave ours the chance to start
We’re thankful more than ever
For your willing, tender heart


You’re the greatest combination
Of all your favorites
Andy Griffith’s warmth and humor
All those cowboys’ strength and grit

Jimmy Stewart, Lem Siddons,
The Barney dance, and Gomer Pyle
All the westerns, sports, and musicals
Nick Saban (with a smile)

Okay, this time I’ll really wrap it up
It’s time to celebrate
With ice cream, cake, and Diet Coke
We’ll observe this special date

It’s become our joke to end with
“I hate to think of all things lost…”
But it’s true… we wouldn’t be here
If with God’s path you’d never crossed

And on your 60thbirthday, Dad,
It couldn’t be more true
We love you and we’re thankful
Every day that you are YOU


 -Ashley, your third (and favorite) child


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