Book Review: A Way with Words

Every now and then I read a book and think, "Wow! This is exactly what I needed to read right now." And then, even more rarely, I read a book and think, "This is exactly what EVERYONE needs to read right now." That's how I feel about Dan Darling's new book, A Way with Words. It simply couldn't be more timely and needed for the current cultural moment we're in right now, and if I could put a copy in the hands of everyone I know, I absolutely would. Writing (and raving!) about it here is as close as I can get. =)



The subtitle of the book is "Using Our Online Conversations for Good." If you've spent any time on the internet lately, you know that many, many conversations are far from being used for good. Between the virus/lockdown concerns, racial strife, and our hideously divisive political landscape, social media in general often feels like a minefield (or cesspool, or dumpster fire. Take your pick of negative comparisons). Dan's approach to this problem is to use an abundance of Scripture and a call to civility, a return to gentleness and kindness  (fruits of the spirit! imagine!) and a commitment to truth-telling that is rooted in the authority of Christ, not our own flailing opinions.

For me personally, reading this book felt like a light shining right on my soul. The last few years have been incredibly disappointing and disorienting for me as I have watched Christian leaders and "church people" practically come to digital blows over everything from politics to worship songs. (Speaking of "coming to blows," Dan introduced me to a new word in the book, "pugilistic," which is perfectly accurate and more relevant than I wish were necessary.) But reading his words on the way we should interact online-- in fact, the way we are called to communicate with one another as believers-- was refreshing and encouraging. For example:

"Paul, like Peter was no shrinking violet. He was no squish. Both were martyred--put to death in the most inhumane and cruel ways by an unjust government--and yet called God's people to live out civility in every way possible. We, rage-tweeting on the internet, are not tougher or more courageous than the apostles."

Yes! I spent large portions of the book practically pumping my fist in the air in agreement. The chapter on conspiracy theories (is Dan prescient?) was equally timely. The last few months have proven that for whatever reason, Christians far too often abandon truth for lies ("conspiracy, half-truths, and tabloid-style clickbait) that "are harmful to a civil society." More than ever, these words are a needed warning and reminder that believers need to be committed to "the end of our pursuit of knowledge: Jesus, the wisdom of God."

Even though I did get caught up in the personal validation I found in so much of the book, there were many parts that deeply convicted me. Like so many of us, I seek affirmation from my online interactions far too often. This passage spoke to that so well:

"The answer to our fame-seeking is about more than unplugging. It's about recognizing that we are dissatisfied with the real version of who we are. We feel, deeply, the alienation from the One who made us. We know we are broken vessels, we see the mess in the mirror, we feel the weight of the fall. and yet the reality is that God has come down to us in Jesus, to both rescue us in our brokenness and join us to a new community of peers, where we are not measured by our wit or our perfectly crafted images but are approved as sons and daughters of the King."

What a blessing! As we seek God's face in our "real" lives, we are drawn less and less to the performative outrage, self-promotion, and other trappings of online interaction. Dan warns against confirmation bias, division, unkindness, and the variety of ways we fall into ungodliness in our conversations though social media. Finally, though, the most important reminder is his encouragement about our constant state of frenzy regarding, well, everything:

"We may be wringing our hands online about the future of the church, but God is not in heaven wringing his." (We could also insert the future of the country, community, political party, etc.)

Dan Darling is such a needed voice right now. This book is balanced, measured, kind, and truthful. It is undeniable that, for a host of reasons, many Christians have felt justified to lash out in anger, defensiveness, and downright ugliness online, usually in the name of "defending the faith" or "standing for what's right." While standing for right is needed, the way in which we do it is just as important, if not more so. We represent Christ to the world (and world wide web!) and need to use our words accordingly. Thanks to this book, we have a biblically sound blueprint for how to do just that.

I received an advance reader copy of A Way with Words from B&H Publishing. 
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Amy Jane- 4 Months

Well, in a turn of events that is zero percent shocking, I missed writing about Amy Jane at 3 months and am several days late on her four-month post (which should have been done on the 4th. Oops). But I am refusing to let another month pass, especially since I feel like she's changing so much! It's already been a busy summer and we've made a lot of memories (and had the BEST time this past week meeting her name twin, Auntie Amy... come back now, please and thank you), so I want to jot it all down before it escapes to the cobwebby corners of my forgetful brain.



Weight/Length: She is 23.5 inches long and 11.5 pounds (#stringbean) and actually the NP we saw at her last checkup wants her to gain weight so we're doing an extra feeding. Personally, I think she's just going to be tall and skinny like her daddy so I'm pretty sure she's fine. =) Alice was definitely a chunky monkey already at this age so it's funny to have a more petite baby this time around!

 Nicknames: Sisert is still going strong (even though Alice has started pronouncing "sister" correctly which breaks my heart). Bean. Little Bean. Beanie Baby/Baby Bean. Toot Sweets. Toodles. And Alice calls her "my baby" which is adorable.

 Sleep: still getting a solid 10-11 hours a night (praise) but is an intermittent napper at best. We're working on that. I've never seen such a tiny baby fight sleep so much during the day! I mean, I wouldn't trade her nighttime sleep schedule, but we still need to find a happy medium with her naps. Alice was the exact same way!

 Eating: She eats about every 3 hours except for her bedtime feeding which is usually a little under 2 hours from the last one. She's doing great with nursing and bottles as needed (but starting to spit up a little more. Bleh).

 Clothing: This poor child... she's so long that her legs need the room in 3-6 or even 6 month clothes (particularly sleepers), but her waist is so tiny that she's still wearing newborn shorts. Alice had the opposite problem of short legs and a long torso, but the issue of sizing in separates remains. Ha!

 Mood: Oh, she's the sweetest. She really only cries if she's hungry (or, occasionally, if she's fighting sleep). She is so smiley (reserving her biggest smiles and best giggles for her sister) and her giant eyes get even bigger when she's in a new environment or Alice is acting crazy (guess which thing happens more often). She's also extremely active and is always kicking her legs and trying to stand up straight when we hold her hands. (I've called Jonathan the Energizer Bunny for years... there's a reason he and Amy Jane both burn so many calories, apparently!)

 Loves: riding in the carrier with her daddy
eating
any attention from Alice
baths
music/dancing
her paci
being outside

 Doesn't Love: being hungry or wet
the pool (she has the grumpiest look the whole time)
being hot (sorry, kid... kinda unavoidable here, and at odds with your desire to be outside)
naps (whose child is this??)
her carseat


 What I Want to Remember/Milestones: meeting friends and family in North Carolina last month (my oldest niece holding my baby, the youngest grandchild? I die. Same with the picture of her and my 90-year-old Mamaw. Priceless). Lots and lots of family walks. Rolling over. Grabbing her toes. The way she dramatically covers her eyes with her arm as if the weight of the world is just too much. My sister meeting her namesake this week (all the feels). How happy she is when she wakes up. How happy we all are to have her around.

 What I'm Looking Forward To: hmmm, can I change this section to what I'm dreading?? (jk but serious.) I am NOT looking forward to Jonathan going back to work (whatever that's going to look like) and disturbing the idyllic little setup I've got going here (as in having both of us home 24/7 since the day she was born). I will be the first to say I've been incredibly spoiled and as difficult as all this Covid stuff has been, I've benefited from it in a big way in terms of our home situation. So, we'll see how this fall goes, but I'm fully planning on savoring these last few weeks of all four of us at home!

 Me: I spent most of the month of June and parts of July in a pretty big funk, honestly. I've had some totally unexpected professional opportunities come up (and then mysteriously disappear) and the roller coaster of those experiences has left me with a bit of mental and emotional whiplash that I certainly didn't go looking for (who does?). I'm in a different place with this baby than I was with Alice in that I am looking for employment (rather passively, but still) but the responsibilities and concerns of a baby (and 4-year-old) don't change just because I need to find a job. Addition, not subtraction. Actually, multiplication. I think. (I am not a mathematically-minded person which I'm sure comes as a surprise to no one.) Anyway, I just feel like I'm in a weird transition phase and that the ground is kind of shifting beneath me, which is not my preferred state of being on any level. But if there's anything I've learned over the last few months it's that we might as well commit to being flexible because it's really all we can do. (Again, this is not my preferred mantra. Does this mean I'm growing? =)

There you go, everyone. The four-month update on my second child, the content you are HERE FOR. Honestly, though, I get that this is mainly for my own memories and I'm okay with that. But if you did happen to slog through to the end of this glorified baby book/journal entry, I thank you. Stay safe, everybody!
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A Pollyanna Lesson

I've put off writing this post for over a month, mainly because it seems like every time I try to write it I think of an entirely separate situation that it could apply to or another way it might offend someone or I'm just reminded that there is a near-deafening roar of information and opinion here on the world wide web at the moment. But when I truly can't get away from something, there's usually a good reason. Please know up front that I say all of this in love and that I've certainly not achieved any of it 100% by any means. I'm just trying.

The last few months have been, to use a word that has really had its moment lately, unprecedented. First there was (and is) the global pandemic, the result of a virus that has killed thousands and infected--body, soul, and spirit--millions more. There have been some really amazing moments that have transcended class, politics, or geography (see just a few compiled here).

But whether the angst is concerning the source of the virus, the response to it, the politicization of it, or just the decision for or against wearing masks to fight it, the tension online has been at an all-time high. Extended quarantine/lockdown, business closures, and social distancing/isolation have all taken a toll as we have sought to quiet (or stir up) our fears by turning on each other, usually by way of comment sections.

I get it. I am an Enneagram 6 (we tend to peddle in Worst Case Scenarios) and even I with my long list of Scary Things did not see any of this coming, nor have I handled well the idea that such a deadly virus is still largely a mystery. And when we're afraid (of much more than being sick... lost jobs, depression, anxiety, loss of access to other medical care, lack of support/community, etc.), we lash out at those around and latch onto whatever we think will make us safe. Since we have different opinions on that, things can (and did) get ugly.

Then over the last month, there has been a massive national response to the murders of three different black people in a brief time period (Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, and George Floyd). While some responses to their deaths have turned violent and destructive (which no serious person I know is condoning), the positive effects of this outpouring of concern and empathy from people all over the country, particularly white Christians, have been monumental. I'm not here to debate that... any movement away from racism and toward racial justice/reconciliation that is done within the framework of the gospel is a good thing. But, as always, these conversations and events have sparked fierce debates on what those changes should look like and have caused some irate reactions from some who do not want to be confronted with the truth of our nation's racial history and current reality.

On top of all of this, it is an election year. Hooray! Let's take the most divided and polarized time in recent history and throw in a literal "us versus them" contest. Perfect.

Okay, I'm not here to talk about politics. Honestly, I'd rather chew off my arm. =) But I think it's worth mentioning that some of the comments and posts we've all seen over the last few months have been just plain ugly about a variety of topics besides this election. And I'm not even talking about conversations between strangers (even though that's still the norm). I'm talking about people being hateful to people they KNOW and apparently have the guts to chew out on Facebook when they know they won't be seeing them at church because it's online. Yikes. Masks on, gloves off.

So, as election season descends upon us and things ramp up even beyond the fever pitch they've already seemed to reach, I want to encourage you to check out a few resources that will help guide our thinking when it comes to another round of "If You Don't Agree with Me, You Must Hate My Guts." Or something catchier. Then we'll get to the "lesson" part of the post.= )

Them by Ben Sasse- Written by a U.S. Senator who explains, as the subtitle says, "Why we hate each other and how to heal." Senator Sasse is a Christian and a good man. This is well worth your time.

Political Tribes by Amy Chua- this book explains "group instinct and the fate of nations": basically, what political tribalism really is and why it harms rather than helps the groups that cling to it most fiercely.

You're Not Listening by Kate Murphy- man, what a timely book, whose subtitle says, "what you're missing and why it matters." When the MO of most online interaction is to devolve into virtual screaming matches, this book is more relevant than ever before. I genuinely want everyone I know to read it.

Competing Spectacles by Tony Reinke- this is a short little book that teaches us how to "treasure Christ in the media age." We are constantly inundated with information nearly every moment of the day and we desperately need discernment in how we process and respond to it. Reinke provides a biblical framework for how to do that.

The Good Neighbor by Maxwell King- this is a biography of Fred Rogers and boy, do we need more Fred Rogers in the world. If I could personally assign every American some homework it would be to watch an episode of Mr. Rogers at least once a week. Maybe some of his kindness would rub off.

Humility by Andrew Murray- probably the hardest one to implement but the most valuable one to read. Murray's short little book on humility is something we need to return to again and again. We are never more Christlike than when we are seeking humility and never less like Christ than when we reject it in favor of pride and self-importance. This is a great book.

Coming soon: A Way with Words: Using Our Online Conversations for Good by Daniel Darling and
Divided We Fall by David French

Finally, I'll leave you with this scene from Pollyanna (I didn't forget the title of this post... it just took me a while to get here). If you haven't read the book or seen the movie (which you should totally do), Pollyanna is a little orphan girl who's come to live with her rich aunt, who is fairly grumpy and basically runs the town. Pollyanna comes across the pastor of the local church practicing his very fire-and-brimstone sermon and innocently suggests the "glad passages" her own father used to preach from. Throughout the movie, she encourages the pastor and others to play the "glad game" with her: always looking for the good in everything and everyone around them, even when it becomes almost impossible.

In this particular scene, though, she shows the pastor her necklace that is inscribed with these words: "When you look for the bad in mankind expecting to find it, you surely will." (Watch the scene here.) That's where we are, isn't it? We look for the bad and are pretty much never disappointed!



It's a great movie and that's a great little game, but it could be revolutionary if we actually put "looking for the good" into practice. I'm not talking about ignoring sin or injustice or being "okay with" things that are objectively wrong. But I think if we are honest with ourselves, we can see that there's a whole lot of space between acknowledging that someone else has a different viewpoint (or is even completely biblically off-base) and choosing to belittle or dehumanize that person. We have been reduced to memes of ourselves and each other and it seems like the biggest victim of "cancel culture" has been the Golden Rule itself.


It would be quite a day in this country if we would recognize and understand that there is not a single person that Jesus did not die for. There is no one across any political aisle from me that Jesus loves less than he loves me. I am not more highly favored to God because I believe a certain way about anything. I base what I believe on what He says in Scripture and try to live that out, but He doesn't love me more because of it. Every single person, no matter what their stance is on any single issue, is created in the image of Christ, is fully loved and known by Him, and is eligible for His saving grace.

"Even if...?" Yep, even then. That is God's creation you're talking and posting  and commenting about. Even them. If loving our enemies is good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me.

I read an amazing article from the guys over at Rambling Ever On (please read the whole thing), who shared this quote:

 Few things communicate genuine love like listening to a person. And a most sacrificial form of this can be when we listen and observe and try to learn from people who dress differently than us, act differently than us and think differently than us. My brand of cultural Christianity often thinks you have to have answers and that revealing ignorance is shameful. But exposure to other cultures teaches me that there is so much I don’t know–about God, about people, about the world.

I think it is incredibly easy to assign motives we can't fully understand, intentions we'll never really know, and malice that may be present but may also be projected. Again, I know there are issues that we can and should stand for. I'm also saying that the way we stand is just as if not more important than the fact that we are standing. Imagine if a driver gave you the finger and then you noticed they had a certain church's bumper sticker on their car. Maybe it was even the pastor! That might affect your opinion of them and their church a little. Well, it seems like over the last few months we have collectively flipped the bird (sorry, but it's true- have you BEEN on Facebook??) to each other, to kindness, to civility, and to empathy, and goodness gracious, do we need to beg God to help us get them back.

 Join with me, friends. Tensions are high, misinformation is rampant, anger is rising, and fear is flowing. But we can stop it. Not in our own strength, but in His. I know it's confusing and exhausting to be a person right now. There is so much injustice, so much hate, so much wickedness. We want to do better but it's hard to know how. We want to stand for right and against wrong but it feels nearly impossible to separate light and darkness sometimes. We want to be kind but that post we scroll by just gets us so riled up and our keyboard warrior fingers begin to fly. If we stay silent, are we complicit? If we speak up, are we causing more division? It is just plain hard to navigate these days.

Still... the tides are turning; in some ways it feels very much like we are on the verge of something. I'd love for it to be revival, wouldn't you? Aslan is on the move.

Please look into some of these resources. Check information you find against the Bible. Use discernment and discretion before you jump onto something just because it "sounds right." Listen. Care. Look for the good, and find it.
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A Few Books on Race


Source: Oh Happy Dani


I share a lot about books so it only makes sense to me to share several titles that have helped me have a deeper understanding and clearer perspective on racial issues and the history of racism in America. This is not even remotely an exhaustive list, but it includes books for almost all ages and covers multiple eras.


This is so important. We cannot even begin to do the work that needs to be done for reconciliation if there is not a knowledge and context for what has already taken place. Today’s weariness and outrage is not tied to isolated events. A long history of injustice and evil has perpetuated these feelings.

I’m praying for the courage to listen and learn and let those who have experienced injustice lead toward the light of Christ’s redemptive power and saving grace. ❤️

The Warmth of Other Suns by Isabel Wilkerson https://amzn.to/2XFnlL7

Blood at the Root by Patrick Phillips https://amzn.to/3gz3Psj

Under Our Skin by Benjamin Watson https://amzn.to/3dnW9Hm

Buried in the Bitter Waters by Elliot G. Jaspin https://amzn.to/2X97Ufl

I Never Had It Made by Jackie Robinson https://amzn.to/3dbC6w3

Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry by Mildred D. Taylor (and the rest of the series- these are middle grade fiction) https://amzn.to/3gxeQKV

Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson https://amzn.to/2X9uuo1
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Books for a Graduate

Welcome to my new series that has been highly anticipated by zero people but that I am excited about because it will give me an organized way to share some of the many books I've read over the last several years. I hope you'll follow along, and if you have any topics you're interested in, please suggest them! (A few exceptions: horror, most sci-fi, thrillers, etc. I don't do scary. =)

First up- graduates! It's May, and despite Covid-19's best efforts, graduates are still graduating (even if it's via Zoom). More than ever, launching out into the world feels very scary: what a world to launch out into! Jonathan wanted to buy a book for a few of his golfers who are graduating, and as I was thinking of recommendations for him, I ended up with a whole list. Each of these books is full of practical and/or spiritual wisdom for the graduate in your life (but would be a good read for anyone).  I chose these specifically because their content is especially applicable to young people seeking guidance on their new paths (These could all work for high school or college graduates). Here we go! *Cue the Pomp and Circumstance...*)


Undergrad graduation in 2011. My graduate school graduation was supposed to be last week. Ha! Covid and my newborn had other plans. =)


1. The Next Right Thing by Emily P. Freeman- This book might pop up on several of these lists because it's just that good, but as you can tell from the title, this is an excellent choice for someone who is about to make a whole bunch of big life decisions. I can't recommend it highly enough. Emily gives practical advice in such a loving way, and the wisdom in this book will serve you long past graduation. (Bonus pick: her book A Million Little Ways is also a wonderful option- the subtitle "Uncover the Art You Were Made to Live" is so timely for graduates.)

2. You Learn By Living by Eleanor Roosevelt- You don't have to fully agree with Eleanor Roosevelt's politics (I don't!) to appreciate the wisdom in this book. It feels incredibly fresh and current for today despite the fact that it was written 60 years ago. It covers topics like maturity, time management, and public service that are useful no matter what your graduate plans to study or pursue.

3. Better Than Before by Gretchen Rubin- I love everything Gretchen writes, but this book in particular is so great for graduates because they're at a time in life when forming good habits is crucial to future success. Her advice is not one-size-fits-all but instead gives ideas for all kinds of personality types for implementing healthier, happier habits in their daily lives.

4. The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis- I think that if there's ever a time that someone needs to be reminded in a powerful way of the reality of spiritual warfare, it's a young person leaving home for the first time! This book is entertaining and even funny at times, but the message of it is loud and clear. Graduates on the edge of their next steps are going to face opposition and doubt from a very real enemy, and reading about it from the perspective of an admittedly witty demon makes it a little more accessible than yet another sermon. =)

5. The Road Back to You and The Path Between Us by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile- I include these as companions to each other because the first one is such a great introduction and the second one is just as important as it is in the context of relationships. SO- say what you want about the enneagram (actually, don't, unless you actually know what you're talking about =), but it is an amazing tool for people, especially young people, to help understand how God made each of us and how to best use our strengths (and weaknesses) for His glory. These books teach the enneagram from a Christian perspective--no weird or woo-woo stuff-- and are invaluable to the process of self-awareness that all young people need to experience. I so wish I had known about this as a young adult!

There you have it. I know it's kind of a lame time to be a graduate and feels anticlimactic to walk across your living room or yard in your cap and gown. But I think this time is a pretty good starting point for graduates as they realize in a big way that life definitely doesn't always turn out like you planned, and that's okay! The Lord sees and knows it all and He has big things in store!

 Congrats, grads!

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Amy Jane- Two Months

Well, it's nearly 10:00 PM on the day that Amy Jane turns two months old and I'm just sitting down to write this post because I didn't even think about it until this morning and then this afternoon I could have written it while Alice was asleep but I chose to take a nap. (#priorities) Even tonight I thought about skipping it (mainly because practically zero people care and despite the nap I'm still tired) but I was so faithful to do these with Alice and I'm thankful to have the written record of her first year because goodness knows I've forgotten so many things. Plus I'd hate for Amy Jane to grow up and be like, "Mom, where are my tediously long blog posts detailing every moment of my early life?" and I'd just have to shrug and say, "I was napping." (I mean, I was napping, but I'm trying to do both.)

I can't believe this baby is two months old because, weirdly enough, it doesn't seem like it's been that long. I mean, the actual day she was born and the time leading up to that feel like forever ago, but I think that's mostly because during the last few weeks of pregnancy time just stands still and your life is a blur of groaning, sleeping, and going to the bathroom every three minutes (thank goodness the toilet paper shortage hadn't happened yet). But the actual time she's been here has just flown by and has seemed shorter than two months. Well, April flew by. March did feel like its own year, didn't it? Good grief. What a time to be alive.

Anyway... on to happier things.

Weight and Length: I actually know this because she finally got to see the doctor today for the first time since she was a few days old. She is 10 pounds 2 ounces (up two pounds from birth) and 23.75 inches long (almost 4 inches from birth!). For reference, she is one pound lighter but one inch longer than Alice at the same age, who was already turning into the little butterball she would later become. It looks like for now Amy Jane is going to be tall and skinny like her daddy!

 Nicknames: Sisert (Alice's pronunciation of Sister), Dot (from A Bug's Life... it's the eyes!), Bean, Little Nugget, and many other obnoxiously sappy and ridiculously terms of endearment that usually reference some type of dessert


Happy girl!

 Sleep: I hesitate to even write about this because I don't want to make anyone hate me, especially other moms of newborns, but she's sleeping about 7 hours consistently every night. I KNOW. It's such a gift and I think the Lord just really knew what I could handle right now and chose to give me a baby who slept well. (See multiple references to naps above.) She is sleeping from around 12:30-7:30 (give or take about 30 minutes). Like Alice, she sometimes struggles to actually fall asleep, but then stays asleep all night. Such a gift and one I am genuinely grateful for.

 Eating: She's on a good 3 hour schedule right now... occasionally she needs it to be 2-2.5 but it's almost always 3. (Although last night's cluster feeding would suggest otherwise... so thankful those are few and far between. Yikes.)

One day I'll get a picture where they're both happy, but for now this seems to sum up their relationship pretty well. Pure joy and total confusion. =)

 Clothing: Because she's so long, she's outgrowing most of her newborn sleepers, but her 0-3 ones are hilariously big because she's so skinny. Ha! I need to get her a few from Carter's because they run much slimmer. I've tried to hold off on buying her very much since we're still not really going anywhere, but it's too warm for her to wear sleepers while we're outside so I'll probably pick out a few little things for spring and summer (all of Al's 0-3 clothes are winter so hand-me-downs are out). It's a chore to shop for baby clothes, but I guess I can take one for the team.

 Mood: She has gotten SO smiley in the last few weeks and I love it. She was very stingy with her smiles until recently but now she loves to smile at us, especially her daddy! Unfortunately, her witching hour seems to be between 10-11 at night, but thank goodness Alice is a sound sleeper and the crying doesn't wake her up. She's pretty content unless she's hungry or wet!

Lots of these lately.

 Loves: Daddy (specifically being held in the carrier)
Music
Her paci
Being swaddled
Baths
Swinging
Her bouncy seat (in small doses)
Alice (in small doses =)

 Doesn't Love: Tummy time (Alice hated it too)
Riding in the car
Being wet
Being ignored (aka not being looked at or held) for long
Having her clothes changed

 What I Want to Remember/Milestones: She is really starting to show her personality... like I said, she has been smiling so much more and has been super alert and starting to recognize each of us more  distinctly. She's especially interested in following Alice with her eyes and being interested in what IN the world she's doing (don't worry, honey... she bewilders us all on a daily basis. =) She discovered herself in the mirror, so that was delightful. We don't do it every day, but as often as we can before her nap, Alice will lay on the bed while I feed the baby and I'll read or we'll listen to an audiobook. I love how Alice is so affectionate with her and is constantly saying, "Oh, my baby. It's okay, my baby. Come here, my baby." (Ironically, she becomes my baby and Alice rejects all ownership when any work is required of her regarding her sister. Ha!) I am thankful for all the time we've had together as a family to walk, swing, and play without needing to rush around to the next thing all the time.

 What I'm Looking Forward To: Oh, man. Ultimately, I'm looking forward to this crazy virus getting under control and things moving toward a safe return to places reopening (I might have cried a little when the governor authorized libraries to open back up soon). We miss our church family, our friends at the Y and the library, and (obviously) just the chance to go out to parks and normal places. So even though we are proceeding with caution (especially with the baby) and maintaining all the safe practices that are being recommended, you better believe we will be thrilled to get back to at least part of our normal routine! (Ask me how I feel when Jonathan eventually goes back to work and I actually have to solo parent for the first time in months.) Other than that, we are going to North Carolina in June (fingers crossed for no more flight changes!) and we are so looking forward to the rest of our families meeting Amy Jane for the first time! (Also, good barbecue. Don't @ me, Texans.)

 Me: I'm okay. I'm a lot better than I was a month ago. It is still risky business for me to spend much time online or looking at the news because I can spiral pretty quickly, but I think I've gotten to a pretty good place of staying informed without overloading myself. I've also started exercising again after finally getting back to my doctor to be checked out and she says I'm back to normal (that's debatable... =) I'm ready to get back in shape and for all my pants to fit again... that said, I'm starving all the time thanks to breastfeeding, so I'm trying to eat well while also giving myself permission to enjoy the occasional treat (and by treat I mean handful of Golden Oreos. You quarantine your way and I will quarantine mine).

I think in terms of parenting, I'm still navigating having two kids and trying to figure out how to really give the best of myself to both of them. Alice still needs a lot from me and even though she doesn't act jealous about the baby, I can tell when she is wanting more one-on-one time so I try to make it happen as much as I can. Amy Jane's needs are pretty simple (and I can't really physically give her any more than I already do!) but I still feel like we're getting to know each other, if that makes sense. It's so funny to have a daughter who is four and a half and who I know like the back of my hand and to have one who is two months old and is still very much a mystery to me in a lot of ways. Sometimes I just stare at her and wonder what she's thinking and who she'll become. I didn't know that about Alice either but now I do (as much as I can at her age) but I just have to wait and see.

It's a little hard for me not to know what's coming, but honestly, it's for the best (and I say that as a 6!). If I had known the road we'd walk down with Alice's speech before it all happened, I would have just curled up in the fetal position and cried. But of course it was the best thing that could have happened to me as a mom, and I'm more thankful than ever than it was with my firstborn. I was talking to one of my sisters today about expectations with your kids versus with your students (since I've had both) and I got to thinking all over again about how wildly different (in many ways) this whole motherhood journey has been from what I imagined. Motherhood is such a collection of paradoxes. It's natural but incredibly difficult, joyful and terrifying, exhausting and empowering. And as I watch both my girls become who they will be, I find more often than not that they are making me more fully who I am in the process.


She is such a sweetheart.



Anyway, that's enough deep thoughts for tonight. I'm sleepy and rambling...never a good combination. And I'm just getting this in under the wire for the actual 2-month date, but Amy Jane, never let it be said that your mom didn't love you enough to write way too much about your sizing needs and sleep habits on the internet.
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Amy Jane- One Month

Writing ANYTHING right now feels weird and like it requires a whole paragraph of qualifiers, but you all know I know what's going on and let's be honest, I have nothing new to say about it, so we'll just go ahead.

I have tried and failed to write Amy Jane's birth story (a term I really don't care for, by the way) for weeks. I wrote most of it earlier a few days ago, got to the end, and thought, "Eh, this sounds really negative." Well, that's because it was. I watched an interview with Beth Moore recently where she advised against publishing anything you write while going through a hard time "until you get out from under it." Even a month later, I think I'm just not out from under it yet (maybe once my recovery is truly done I'll feel a little more charitable toward the anesthesiologist who starred in, if life were like Friends, an episode entitled, "The One Where the Epidural Doesn't Work and You Get Twenty Stitches").

On the other hand, I do love how my blog has served as a kind of history for our family over the years (since it hasn't served as anything else since anyone can remember, because I'm lazy) and I am glad to have a written record of so many things about Alice that, sadly, I would have totally forgotten by now. Plus I'd hate to feed into the stereotype of the over-documented firstborn and neglected subsequent children, so I want to keep documenting things about Amy Jane for my own memory's sake. Here's a few (okay, it's never a few) little things about our sweet baby.



Weight and Length: she was 8 pounds 2 ounces and 19.5 inches long at birth and has definitely grown but we won't know for sure how much for a while since her one month checkup is being pushed back thanks to "the situation" (I refuse to name it directly... it's become the Voldemort of diseases).

 Nicknames: Since we are calling her Amy Jane (both names), I am hesitant about nicknames because I really don't want her to end up being called AJ (no offense to anyone with initial names. I have a great fondness for D.J. Tanner in my heart). So far the one that's sticking the most is "Sisert" because that's Alice's pronunciation of sister. =)

 Sleep: Well, she is an angel and has been sleeping for 5-6 hours almost from the very beginning. She's gone over 7 hours several times which is glorious and something many other mothers probably hate my guts for as they're reading this and for that I apologize because I can take exactly zero credit for this miracle. (#highlyfavored)



Eating: She's eating about every 3 hours during the day (sometimes closer together at night before bed) and takes a bottle in the morning. My nursing experience this time around has been SO much easier than it was with Alice (I still think back to those first few weeks and pity my poor self!) so I'm thankful for less pain, obviously.

 Clothing: She's still very much in newborn clothes. Sadly, almost everything Easter-related she has is 0-3 so it will likely swallow her, but she'll just have to be swallowed because those bunny outfits need to be worn! I didn't buy her very much in newborn sizes since you never know how long a baby will wear those but she's shaping up to be like her sister in that regard (Alice wore newborn stuff for over two months). I am loving having her wear the few things of Alice's that we saved! Those side-by-side pictures are my favorite!


Gotta have that monogram! 

 Mood: Hmm... shall we say, concerned? =) She's not an unhappy baby, per se, and is fairly content a lot of the time, but she does frown a lot. I think she's just befuddled by all the noise, her whirling dervish sister, and probably (don't babies sense things, like dogs?) the state of the world at the moment. Who knows? But she is very sweet and in general is extremely long-suffering considering how many times a day she is aggressively hugged.


My girls!


 Loves: Daddy (finally, a daddy's girl! ha!)
Being swaddled
Her paci
Being held tightly and rocked
Bouncing (really, any movement seems preferable to being still for her)
Lying on her side (supervised, of course! Calm down!)
Walks in the stroller

 Doesn't Love: Being left alone (aka not being held) for long
Whoever's holding her sitting still
Loud noises (her sister has yet to receive this memo and continues to startle her on a daily basis)
Losing her paci
Bath time (at least the first little dip... she gets used to it and calms down)


I love how she folds her hands like this!

 What I Want to Remember/Milestones: So many things! After her traumatic entrance into the world, I'm grateful for all the sweet and positive moments to balance the things I'd rather forget. =) From the first time Alice met her, she has been totally in love and so sweet. Al has struggled in other ways (the fact that it's no longer just the two of us at home during the day, the fact that I'm less accessible to her, the fact that OUR WHOLE ROUTINE IS OFF INDEFINITELY... you know, small things in the life of a four-year-old. But despite all that she has never taken any of it out on the baby and I'm very thankful for that. Everything is, "Oh, baby, I know baby. Come here, baby." Followed by attempts to pick her up that to her chagrin are thwarted each and every time. BUT it's all just precious and makes me so happy. We have had an unexpectedly crazy amount of time together as a family that we would never have had otherwise (especially Jonathan) so despite the reasons for that I'm a little amazed every day that he is able to be around for pretty much every minute of her first few months of life. There are certainly challenges in having a newborn and toddler while he's working from home, but it's still true that his being here has massively eased the transition for me.

Other little things to remember: Amy Jane is extremely strong like her sister was... already trying to hold her up (and doing it a little bit!) and putting weight on her legs when she's held up. (I've seen babies months older who don't do this so I think it's hilarious. #legday) She is very snuggly once she really settles in but that can take a while. She's staying awake for longer stretches during the day and is constantly looking around with her huge, bright eyes just taking it all in (again, usually with a very concerned look on her face). And she's just so pretty. That hair! I can't believe all her hair (but it does prove the old myth because my reflux with her was BRUTAL).

 What I'm Looking Forward To: Oh, I don't know... EVERYTHING GOING BACK TO NORMAL PLEASE AND THANK YOU, LORD. (Sorry, moment of panic.) Seriously, though, this has been such a weird and scary time to have a baby who has basically no immune system yet. I want to be able to take her to church to meet friends, get back in a routine with Alice and really all four of us, etc. That's a whole other huge and totally beyond-my-control thing so regarding Amy Jane specifically I'll just say I'm looking forward to (fingers crossed) taking her to the pool this summer (which Alice is SO excited about showing her) and also for her 0-3 month clothes to fit so she and Al can start wearing all their matching outfits. (#priorities)


McNeese Party of Four!

 Me: Who, me? An enneagram 6 who is four weeks postpartum (after another extremely painful and traumatic labor/delivery experience) during a global pandemic?? *Insert Ross Gellar "I'm fine" gif here.* I really am okay, just struggling along with the rest of humanity during these crazy days. Everyone is having a hard time with this and so many people are in so much harder situations that it seems really pathetic to be like, "Hey, I know there's a pandemic on and people are dying but last month my epidural didn't work and I cried a lot." I mean, it's true, but I'm certainly not unique in my suffering, you know? So the short(ish) answer is that I'm still having a pretty hard time. I think having a newborn feels like Groundhog Day anyway (the constant feeding/burping/changing that feels so endless and cyclical... "You're going to nurse this baby every 3 hours from now until you die." Obviously untrue but still an accurate description). But during other hard times, it's weirdly comforting to know that despite my own stuff, the rest of the world just keeps turning and things "out there" are fine. Well, now, we know that things "out there" are certainly not fine and in fact are pretty awful, so the fact that my home is the only place I can really create and control the level of peace to any degree is super scary. Like everyone else, I'm just doing the best I can while acknowledging and giving thanks for how incredibly privileged we are to have the resources we need to stay home.

All that was me as a person... specifically as a mom, though, I think one thing that's surprised me a little (and I felt this way with Alice, too) is how I'm still just myself. Believe it or not, a brand-new personality doesn't emerge along with the placenta after you give birth. (I apologize for that visual. If you don't have a visual of it, well, be thankful.) For better or worse, I'm still just me. Sarcastic, worried, caring about my family and friends, listening to Disney music, reading constantly, etc. In a way that's comforting. Motherhood is certainly a transformative thing but I think it adds to you; it doesn't necessarily have to subtract.


Miss Priss couldn't be bothered to open her eyes this morning despite having slept nearly 8 hours!


Oh, and to answer the typical fear of all moms--"will I love this baby as much?--the answer, of course, is yes. I love her as her own little person, I love her as Alice's sister, I love her as the fourth and final (you heard me) member of our family. I loved our family of three but I definitely think the past month, while challenging, has felt very natural because it seems like we are complete now. Despite all the uncertainty, the tears, the anxiety, the constant juggling of toddler and baby from parent to parent, the excess of Disney+, and the figuring it out as we go, I just keep coming back to the overwhelming feeling of this is how it's supposed to be. I'm so thankful to God for my girls and this weird but wonderful time.
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